Kyriacou Haji Vassili
02.01.1927 – 03.11.2021
Today is a sad day for us all but we must not forget to celebrate the wonderfully long life of my Nouna, your sister, aunt, and friend Kyriacou Haji Vassili, loving known by us all as Kakou. She passed away on 3rdNovember 2021 at the grand old age of 94. Not bad for someone who spent most of her life in and out of doctor’s surgeries, rattling with pills. As it turned out, she was a strong, fit, and healthy woman and all those decades of worry were wasted. Right up until the end she was physically, as fit as a fiddle! Nothing paracetamol couldn’t fix. She would hate me saying that!!
But mentally it was a very different story. Dementia took hold of her. It was heart breaking to watch my Nouna deteriorate so quickly. Alzheimer’s is a cruel illness and at times is unbearable to witness. It turned my Nouna from an independent and strong woman into a shadow of herself. It’s difficult to be in the presence of someone, who has been such a strong influence and constant part of your life, forever, and them to no longer remember you or even be aware that you ever existed. I know. However even during these confused times, when she did not know who I was her character came pouring out and she still engaged in ‘our banter’ and we laughed like the treasured times before, she just didn’t know who I was, but she still found my conversation topics and belares amusing!
Born Kyriacou Michael on 2nd January 1927 in Vassili, Cyprus. She was one of 6 siblings, the second eldest. Being the eldest daughter of a large family came responsibility. She helped her mum bring up her younger siblings and together, as a family they all toiled their land, planting, and drying tobacco. This must have been a tough life for them all. I have been fortunate to visit the house in Vasili – none of the luxuries in life that she later became accustomed to!
On 17th December 1954 Kakou, aged 26, started her adventure in search of a better life. She boarded a ship that took her 5 days to arrive to UK shores. Once here she relied, as so many Cypriots did at that time, on the kindness of friends and family who had already made the move and settled. For many years she lived with Chrisi who opened her home and heart to her. They became the best of friends; this friendship stood the test of time and continued right until my Nouna passed away.
Once in the UK she left behind the tobacco fields and worked as a seamstress and in London in the 50’s this wouldn’t have been a very glamorous life either but, by what I can tell from photos, she was surrounded by friends and laughter. My Nouna was always a very sociable woman.
In 1958 her mum tragically passed away aged 55, leaving behind her youngest child, my dad, Themos only aged 9. He had a large family around him, to look after him but it has been evident over the years that Kakou took on the role of protector to him and their brother Andrico and until she was no longer physically or mentally able to she maintained her responsibility to them and often bailed them out when they both got up to no good!! She gave my dad the security any younger sibling needs when faced with a hard childhood. Sadly, my Nouna and most of her generation missed out on the childhoods we have all taken for granted. From a young age she had work and worries, death and do not forget wars to deal with.
On 4th March 1967 she married Modestos Haji Vassili who sadly passed away in 2007. This was devastating for her. For 40 years he was by her side. They had a loving life. He was a quiet man, most of the time, which allowed my Nouna to be the vibrant one, seeking the attention. She always looked good, well dressed and with her knee high boots, gold sovereigns and bracelets. Her hair always immaculate. Our cousin Maria remembers fondly of how much she loved getting her hair done and always inspecting the finished look to make sure Maria did a good job! Every time Kakou phoned her she would exclaim “come and dye my hair so that I don’t die with grey hair”. Sadly, she did pass away with grey hair but bless her she was 94!
Although she and Modestos had a good life she was not blessed with children of her own. This I believe was the greatest pain she suffered in her life. She had so much to give so instead she doted on her nieces and nephews, of which there are 15 of us. Lucky for her the age difference between us all; 18 years between Panicos the eldest and me the youngest (I think?), meant that there were always children of all ages in her life. She was always a great, very attentive, and generous Nouna (and aunt, I am sure).
As a child I have fond memories of sleepovers and shopping trips; after a day of secretly spending all my godfather’s money we would always end up in MacDonald’s. She loved MacDonald’s! Christina and her children also have similar memories when in later life she would take her shopping and they would always end up in MacDonald’s too!
I will forever remember the £20 notes folded in her bra that she would slip into my hand every time I saw her!
For over 5 decades she was an active member of her local church. She was here every Sunday, in this church; this is where my sleepovers would end up on the Sunday mornings. This is where she, without fail, arranged her parents nimosina, year after year. We have all had communion or shared golifa and bread with her at this very alter at one time or another.
She was also a well-known and much loved member of her local community. Marios and his family who also lived on Beresford Road, remembers one day when his dad wouldn’t allow him to go to watch West Ham. After a while Marios stopped arguing with his dad and said he was going to the park instead. He picked up his football and walked down the road to ‘Aunty Kakou’. He asked her to look after his football and that he would pick it up later, so she did and off he went to watch West Ham. Later he went back and collected his ball, went home and his dad was none the wiser!
Kakou also liked to think of herself as a match maker. She had so many friends and family who had eligible children, she was always looking for the opportunity! God knows how many times alone she tried to set me up. I believe it was the same for Marios and was probably the case for everyone she came across. She was not very good at it, but she did have one known success with Panicos, her nephew and Nina her god daughter.
My Nouna also had another god daughter, whom we have never met. Many years ago, she travelled to The Holy Lands and became christened as a Hagina. This is also when she christened a local girl. I believe that my Nouna maintained a relationship with her, I remember occasionally being shown photos, but to what extent I must admit I do not know.
Many of us have the collective memories of dinners at her house. She was not the best cook, and my dad can tell you stories of broken teeth due to her koulouroukia but on those occasions, when we were all there, all her family together, the men playing cards, the women gossiping (her favourite pastime), kids running around; she thrived, she was in her element. It didn’t matter that the food she had served was inedible! Luckily my godfather was a good cook, so I didn’t starve when I had sleepovers! My Nouna used to sit and watch him with a glass of wine. She liked a glass or two with her dinner.
I remember her laugh. When she was genuinely amused it was a hearty and infectious laugh. She laughed with her eyes. I used to love winding her up and being silly with her, she was always in the mood for some silliness with me.
We will all remember the piles of letters being thrust at you the second you walk in the door, which always ended up with having to fill in a form or make a phone call. It was quite convenient for her to not be able to read or speak English; unless, of course, she was talking with a doctor. On these occasions she was quite fluent! I remember taking her to A&E about 25 years ago and when asked her date of birth she lied and made herself a few years younger, all the while glaring at me to keep quiet!
We will all remember the phone calls. She was religious about phoning us all. Keeping in touch with everyone, not just us in the UK but also her siblings and family in Cyprus; it gave her great pleasure, also how else would the family gossip spread, much quicker to tell my Nouna and let her do her job! Her phone bills were sky high, but she was prepared for the arguments with my godfather; I was witness to several of these and there is no worse wrath than that of a Michael woman…. Ask my husband, he should know!
I will never forget the image of her on holiday in Cyprus. Her and my godfather on their loungers at the Finikoues, baking in the sun. In her swimming costume with her little stick legs, often wearing a swimming cap to not spoil her hairdo! She was a confident woman and she carried herself well. I remember her in the evenings, drinking and dancing, laughing, the life and sole of the party.
I am grateful that we were able to dance together at my wedding. I was always amused how you never seemed to have pains in your shoulders when you were dancing…..
We will all miss hearing you exclaim ‘ah panayia mou’ with every movement.
As she aged it became increasing difficult for her to live alone. My dad, uncle Andrico, cousins Christina and Chris all pulled together and co-ordinated food, care, and shopping until about 5 or so years ago when she had a fall at home that resulted in severe injuries requiring a trip to A&E by ambulance (her favourite mode of transport!). Sadly, it was at this time that her dementia was clearly evident, and she was never to return home again. This was a difficult time for her and us cousins who stepped forward to make decisions as a family to ensure that she was well cared for, safe and happy for the rest of her life. Although there were several of us working together to make decisions I want to take the opportunity to thank my cousin Christina. You took on the day to day care more or less single handed. It’s not been an easy duty, but you embraced it and for that we are all grateful and if she was aware of your constant presence in her life, right up until the day she passed away, I am sure she too would be eternally grateful.
Those of us who were able to spend time with her in her last days were fortunate enough to see that she passed away peacefully and not in any pain. She was 94 years old and there is only so much one can give to this world. I believe that she was ready to go; to the place where she will be welcomed and loved by the god she spent her life praying to and to also be re united with her husband Modestos and siblings Alexandros and Angelou.
Nouna mou, I couldn’t have ever asked for a better Nouna. You were my godmother, aunty and grandmother all rolled into one. How lucky was I? You made me feel special throughout my life and I hope there were times in your life where I was also able to make you feel the same way. You will always be in my heart and memories.
Whilst reflecting and writing this Eulogy I have also come to fondly realise that there were many similarities between me and my nouna, good and bad!. Efisisen mou, is that not what we Cypriots say?
You leave behind your surviving siblings Fountzou, Andreas and Themos, your 15 nieces and nephews and families, a whole community of friends.
You were much loved in life, and you will not be forgotten.
May you now rest in peace. x
