“Reeling and Writhing, of course, and then the different branches of Arithmetic – Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision”
– Lewis Carroll, “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland”

In 2020, after 32 years of working as a blah blah corporate blah (no-one’s listening, no-one cares), I decided to switch careers, to become a Maths teacher. I’ve been helped by ‘Now Teach’, who support experienced professionals to transition into the classroom.
Some thoughts, seven months in.
#1 – There’s no such thing as a boring lesson. You are not a child entertainer. Stop thinking like David Brent from ‘The Office’. Children are in school to learn and to grow as human beings, not to be entertained.
#2 – In Maths, it is not “elitist” to get to the right answer. There’s some appalling rubbish coming out of the USA -West coast (where else?) – claiming that classrooms are “centres of white privilege.” Total, utter nonsense.
#3 – Good behaviour is everything. If you don’t have a plan for them – they’ll certainly have one for you. Kids smell blood when they see a trainee or new teacher.
#4 – There is no such thing as a lazy teacher. I’ve not seen one yet – you’ll be quickly found out. The pace is relentless.
#5 – Silence is more than golden.
#6 – The chip stains and grease will come out in the bath. I used to go around after lessons and pick up paper, pens, tissues and wipes from the floor. I now spend one minute at the end and say: “Always leave a clean wake.” The class does the heavy lifting. It’s a sailing term, meaning ‘don’t drop waste in your slipstream’ – showing pride and respect for environment, peers and teacher. It doesn’t matter who dropped it, we’re all accountable. We’re not short of hand cleansers.
#7 – Every hour in the classroom needs 2 hours of planning. I’m sure this gets more efficient with experience. In my training year, that’s what I’m having to do. I’m sure I’m an extreme outlier. A good place to be. I’m also having to re-remember my school Maths. I did ‘A Level’ Maths before most teachers in the school were born. Mathematics is the most beautiful language that mankind has created – the king of subjects, and the queen of the sciences.
#8 – “Free period” doesn’t mean “available”. It means recovery, planning and refuelling.
#9 – The playwright Harold Pinter said that what makes a great batsman in cricket is having “true relaxation” at the wicket crease. I remembered this when standing in front of a class.
#10 – The best sound in the world is: “Oh! Yeah!” When a student gets something, and a light suddenly comes on in their head. I do a Jurgen Klopp triple fist pump every time that happens. I’ll have to start doing that in my head, though. I’m succeeding and failing, every day. I can see why teachers leave the profession. It’s sink or swim.
One more for luck…
#11 – Psychologist Dr Jordan Peterson said that when a patient was referred to him for anxiety or depression, he’d ask two questions: “Did you sleep last night?”, and “Did you have breakfast?” If the answer was ‘No’ to either question, he’d ask them to try to do that before they met again. If they couldn’t do it, they’d get down to work. But for those who did manage to sleep and have breakfast, their “levels of anxiety were reduced to below clinical levels.”
That last one isn’t about teaching, but life in general.
Here’s to sleeping well and having a good breakfast.

James Neophytou